Oh Pinterest, what are you for?

I have Pinterest. I go through fits and starts with it. So I will madly pin things for an hour, then ignore it for a week. But I will be honest, I don’t really know what it is for except to make me fully realise how uncrafty I am.

I pin pretty things, like jewellery.

I pin recipes that I’ve rarely used, except once and it was a success:

I pin healthy recipes but haven’t tried one from Pinterest yet. I assume the pinning expends some energy and is therefore exercise.

I pin breastfeeding, babywearing and general baby-related stuff that might be useful to someone.

I just started a Dr Who board with exactly 1 pin. It’s awesome.

I pin toddler crafty things for playgroup and for home. I have made a couple of things, like colourful foam which was a total pin-win:

At playgroup we made those bottles full of sparkles and crap that are all lovely and supposed to be calming and a good distraction for an over stimulated kid and they would be…if you could get a kid in that state to sit still long enough to look at it. The mums liked it though!

Ours were just like these ones found here but I wasn’t sacrificing good mason jars- we used coke bottles because we are classy as hell.

Generally, I think Pinterest is often a showcase of amazing creativity that is not possessed by the majority of society. They throw in a few actually easy ideas here and there- that’s what gets you in.

You have a success or two and your confidence builds. You’re ALL OVER this Pinterest stuff.

So we continue and what do we find, as we wade through boards and pins and search results?

Projects meant for kids need that actually need an adult with an engineering degree to complete them. “Simple” recipes that go easily haywire. Is it a conspiracy? Do the gods of Pinterest sit back and laugh at the efforts of us mere mortals? Yes. Yes they do. Take our random turkey-craft done for no real reason:

But I’m not letting that set me back. I mean, if I had made this, I’d probably quit Pinterest forever:

I found this here on PinterestFail.com

The maker of the above was attempting what is essentially bacon cooked in pancake batter and she couldn’t figure out how she ended up with a plate full of lungs.

I’m wondering how she missed the giant va-jay-jay on that plate. Suddenly, I’m not hungry!

How about you? Got any great Pinterest successes or fails?

Linking up with Emily @ Have a Laugh on Me for Laugh Link

Beauty Tips for the Busy Woman

I’m always a wee bit frazzled, what with up to 4 children to ferry about at any given time, a demanding cat, shift work and so on- but that is no excuse for not looking my best at all times. Anyone who knows me will verify that my beauty routine  is terrible terribly important to me- it’s on par with my dedication to doing fashion.

Me, circa 2008, ready to hit the town.

First off, your cleansing routine:

Cleanse, tone, exfoliate, moisturise.

Now, I don’t have time for that EVERY day, so I have whittled it down to a manageable routine that can be completed in under a minute:

Splash face with water, dry, slather face in cream.

Cream is preferably a moisturising lotion designed for faces, but I discovered, by accident, that hand cream works just fine (in my defence, the bottles were VERY similar!)

Next up is makeup:

Apply concealer to all the bits that need concealing, then foundation (all over), powder (to cover all the foundation or something), blush, eye liner, eye shadow,  mascara, lip liner, lipstick. Do something with bronzer powder. Ensure all products are organic, SPF50+, cruelty-free, ethically sourced and probably quite expensive.

I don’t really know what all that stuff is. Again, time is of the essence.

Examine drawer full of some of that crap, put on some lip balm. Done.

Can’t forget the hair:

In the shower, be sure to shampoo (twice) and then deep condition using products bought at a hairdresser, not a supermarket. Once out, blow dry, being careful to use some stuff to protect your hair from the perils of the blow drier. Then straighten or curl and style accordingly. 

Yeah, no.  

Try this: Spray with dry shampoo, rub in, brush, pull into tidy-ish bun or ponytail. Secure with the nearest elastic band or kid’s scrunchie. I have it on good authority that the scrunchie is making a comeback in a big way. That’s an inside tip- get on it!

Image Source

Then all that’s left is to dress and accessorise and you are ready for your day! I find the right accessories can really draw the eye away from the lack of makeup, personally.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you don’t feel you look your very best, stand next to someone who looks a little worse that you. Sounds mean- but it works! For example:

I look amazing here…Right?

Another option is to make like a model and photoshop the hell out of yourself. I tried that, once or twice:

Jokes aside, if you want to wear makeup and have a beauty routine, that’s great. What isn’t great is the societal pressure on women to do these things. How many magazines and websites have you seen with photos of celebrities “caught” without makeup? Stuff like this and this. Or read things like this:

Which is either utter twaddle or the vast majority of men and a whole bunch of women walk around looking “unnatural” every single day.

Makeup and styled-up hair is a choice, not an obligation. 

I do go without makeup. I don’t think I’m less of a woman for it. In fact, I’m with Fran Drescher on this one:

How about you- got any quick and dirty beauty tips? Or are you a fellow couldn’t-be-arsed or don’t-feel-the-need-for-it kinda person?

I never thought I’d say that!

Ever found yourself saying something you never thought you would? Happens to me all the time. I’m constantly surprised by what comes out of my mouth and is generally aimed at one of the kids.

In no particular order, here are some stand-outs:

• I don’t know which one of you does it, but putting your feet on the wall while you are on the toilet needs to stop.
• Honey, if he doesn’t have angel blood running through his veins, doesn’t hunt demons for a living and doesn’t hang out with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, then he is not the man for you. Stick to those high-standards! (In response to my step-daughter’s crush on Jace from the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare.)

Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays Jace in the film adaptation- Image Source.

• You won’t like it; it’s chockers with sex.
• Sure, you can learn to play the drums. 
• Whose poo is this?!?!
• So are you telling me you’re gay? No? None of you are?
• A nerve cell model out of food. We can do that.

And we did!

• Yes, that is what the ‘c’word is. Next time, maybe spell it instead of saying it. Especially when we have guests.
• The expression is “I’ll give you a kick up the bum” not “I’ll put my foot in your bum”- big difference.
• Don’t let that cat drink your drink- it’s not even our cat!

How about you- what have you said that you never thought you would?

Uncommon Sense

So-called common sense should not be called that. Because it’s not bloody common at all. If it was common, I would have had nothing to write about here. It would have been all “Oh yes, everybody is lovely, nothing to see here, haven’t rolled my eyes at all, ever, except to examine the ceiling”. Instead, I have a list. Compiled of stuff our kids have done and stuff I’ve seen and heard about more than once. This is the condensed version. I figured we could all use a good eye-roll every now and then. You’re welcome.

• Cooking two eggs? Get out the largest frying pan in the cupboard. Heat on smallest burner. Cook self two eggs, one at a time. Heaven forbid you could use the large burner and put the two eggs in to cook together.

• You’re 10 years old and want to learn to play drums. No problem. Wait until the toddler siblings are FINALLY asleep, then get to practicing!

• Gotta clean the bathroom? Stands to reason the cream cleanser used in the shower and sink can be used everywhere, right? That chalky residue means it’s CLEAN. Duh. What exactly do you mean by “rinse”??

• Help out by seasoning the chicken in the cooker. “A light sprinkling of paprika and herbs” was the instruction. This is “light”… right?

I have to admit, it was delicious. Once I’d scraped off the thick layer of gunk the slow cooker turned this into.

• Carry a pet’s bowl of water from one house to the next, while carrying other things. Why empty it first when you can simply complain about spilling it everywhere on the way?

• Board peak hour train, squish between people, push, shove, jam self into only available seat in middle of carriage. Phew. Got a seat. Oh! Next stop is my stop! Push and shove way out.

• Driving. Why use indicators? Much better to just randomly switch lanes with no warning. Keeps people guessing and makes driver feel like exotic man or woman of mystery ( I imagine that’s the appeal, anyway)

• Another one for driving. See person with L-plate. Immediately tailgate, cut off, blare horn, wave arms in exasperated gestures and yell unimaginative swear words because L-plate drivers are inexperienced and such actions will immediately build their confidence and make them better drivers, which is obviously in the best interests of everyone.

• Ride a bicycle. Great for your health and fitness, especially when ridden on busy motorways surrounded by cars and trucks pumping out carbon monoxide and other such healthful substances.

• Start reading a new book. Story seems a bit off, somehow. *Shrug*, carry on reading, do no further investigating at this point. Finish book, have a good look at cover and notice it is the 3rd book in a series. 

• Give out unsolicited weight loss advice, while eating cheesy pasta and garlic bread, to co-workers. It adds to your credibility.

• Go to hospital emergency department complaining of pain, terrible pain, pain so all-encompassing that you didn’t even bother to take a panadol at home.

• Similarly, go to hospital emergency department with a cold.

• Large chain offers “healthy” salad option. Order in meal deal form expecting it to come with a drink, which it does. And fries. Not a serve of fruit or a yoghurt or even a choice. Comes with chips. Awesome. Want to upsize?

• Take off shoes while still done up. Complain that everyone is “rushing you” when they want to go out and you are still struggling to un-knot your laces to put your shoes ON.

• Beg to help Mum with dinner. Preheat the oven, chop the vegies, season the vegies, put vegies in roasting pans, cover vegies with foil. Wander off, feeling satisfied that you have contributed invaluably to the family meal. Wonder why Mum is annoyed on finding the vegies still on the bench 40 minutes later. No pleasing some people, is there?

• No body wash left in body wash bottle. Leave empty bottle in shower. Do not replace with full bottle from cupboard. Instead, wash self with shampoo. 

• Go to see a movie. Constantly ask parent or sibling what will happen even though you know they have not seen the movie. Ask so often that they are so distracted by your talking that you both miss out on finding out what happened.

• Be asked to look for something. Turn head in one direction, look at wall in said direction, declare object not found. This particular action perfected by every child, ever.