Tag Archives: funny

Top 5 Gifts for Men That I Won’t Be Buying!

This is a follow on from the Top 5 Gifts for Kids I also won’t be buying this festive season.

Some of the stuff marketed towards kids is pretty strange. We’ve seen the poop themed games and plush disease microbes… But have you ever searched specifically for a gift for a man? Gender stereotypes aside, some of the stuff marketed as a suitable gift for the man or men in your life is just plain bizarre. Don’t get me wrong, much of it is hysterically funny, too. But these are not things I’d want to hand to a loved one!

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Know anyone like this? Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho!

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I never thought I’d say that!

Ever found yourself saying something you never thought you would? Happens to me all the time. I’m constantly surprised by what comes out of my mouth and is generally aimed at one of the kids.

In no particular order, here are some stand-outs:

  • I don’t know which one of you does it, but putting your feet on the wall while you are on the toilet needs to stop.
  • Honey, if he doesn’t have angel blood running through his veins, doesn’t hunt demons for a living and doesn’t hang out with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, then he is not the man for you. Stick to those high-standards! (In response to my step-daughter’s crush on Jace from the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare.)

Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays Jace in the film adaptation- Image Source.

  • You won’t like it; it’s chockers with sex.
  • Sure, you can learn to play the drums. 
  • Whose poo is this?!?!
  • So are you telling me you’re gay? No? None of you are?
  • A nerve cell model out of food. We can do that.

And we did!

  • Yes, that is what the ‘c’word is. Next time, maybe spell it instead of saying it. Especially when we have guests.
  • The expression is “I’ll give you a kick up the bum” not “I’ll put my foot in your bum”- big difference.
  • Don’t let that cat drink your drink- it’s not even our cat!

How about you- what have you said that you never thought you would?

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The Lighter Side of Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding. It’s a serious issue, right?

Many of us struggle to do it. We struggle with advice that often ranges from inconsistent to inaccurate. We sometimes face discrimination and ignorance. I get all that. I’ve struggled with it, I’ve worked hard at it, cried when it frustrated me, stood up and advocated for the right to do it anywhere and also written about the right to NOT do it. You don’t have to tell me it’s a serious issue- no way! That’d be preaching to the choir! As serious as it is, it can also be ridiculously funny. Like the time Bennie decided she would only breastfeed while wearing my sunglasses.

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A friend of mine breastfed both her sons and still giggles about managing to spray herself in the eye with breastmilk, among other things. The same friend would also forget to do her shirt up and walk around for ages with a nipple out! I can totally relate on both counts there- especially the wardrobe malfunctions. In the early days, sleep deprived, more than once I found myself at the shops or chatting to the parcel delivery man out the front of my house, not realising my breastfeeding singlet was still pulled up, showing off an attractive expanse of industrial-strength, “flesh” coloured maternity bra. Actually, I did the same thing just last week while talking to my neighbour over the fence and funnily enough, I was telling her about my new breastfeeding top at the time.

There have been lots of little chuckles throughout this breastfeeding gig- from milk-drunk smiles to the opportunistic latch-on from the seat of the shopping trolley when I unthinkingly leaned forward to shove something into the cart. One story that stands out wasn’t so much the breastfeeding but someone else’s response to it. I was visiting in a nursing home and feeding Bennie in the lounge area when one of the elderly residents sat down with me for a chat. After admiring Bennie’s curls and watching her feed for a few minutes, she asked if she was my child, or perhaps my grandchild?! 

It’s funny seeing Bennie with her dolls and stuffed toys. She’ll hold them up to my chest for some milk or decide to “breastfeed” them herself. Recently, she discovered Barbie dolls. She likes undressing them then redressing them and making them hug while saying “Awww, that’s luffly!” but recently she was having a good look at a naked Barbie when she suddenly said “Oh! Milk!” and then this happened…

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How about you- have you got a funny breastfeeding story? Comment below!

**Thanks to the incredibly talented Courtney at C Holmes Photography, today we have a breastfeeding mini-shoot plus valued at $250 to give away – and the prize includes your three favourite images delivered as digital files. To enter, simply follow the prompts in the competition widget below. Standard terms and conditions apply, and in addition, you must confirm that you live in Sydney and/or are prepared to travel to Rouse Hill for the photo shoot.**

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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